Presenter: We are pleased to welcome you all here to the Great 2008 Bridlington Beauty Contest. We will need 3 Judges... pause while 3 judges are found from the congregation – (they do not have to know about this in advance) ...and 3 contestants. pause while 3 contestants are selected.
Before we start, you must understand the rules of the Beauty Contest. The winner has to look good, think good, and feel good. Let me interview the 3 contestants.
To contestant A Tell me why do you think you have a
good chance of winning the competition?
Contestant A My grandfather won trophies for body
building, my father has won trophies for body building, so I can win
trophies for body building.
Presenter: Well, you certainly look as though you are
in with a good chance.
To contestant B Tell me why do you think you have a
chance of winning the competition?
Contestant B: I keep myself in pretty good trim,
and I have already won a prize for being the brightest child in our School.
Presenter: You certainly look as though you are in with a good chance.
To contestant C Tell me why do you think you have a good chance of winning?
Contestant C: I’d really like to go in for this prize. I’ve never won anything as
important as this in my life before.
Presenter: Well, you certainly look as though you are in with a good chance.
While we sing the next hymn, the contestants can get themselves ready.
At the back of the Church someone cries out in pain
Ill person: Help! Help!
Contestant A: I can’t help now. I’m busy.
Ill person: Help! Help!
Contestant B: I’d really like to help. Just wait for 10 minutes
Ill person: Help! Help!
Contestant C: Come on. I’ve just about time to see that you are alright.
While the congregation sing, the contestants prepare themselves. Contestant A strips
off to show his rippling muscles. Contestant B gets a pile of books. Contestant C looks
after the person in trouble.
While the last verse of the hymn is being sung, Contestant A starts to walk down the
central aisle of the Church, flexing his muscles.
Once he has reached the front, Contestant B starts to walk down while he is being
interviewed.
Contestant C stays at the back.
Presenter: Now for our first contestant ...
Contestant A shows off his muscles.
Judge A: How often do you train?
Contestant A: Every day
Judge B: What is the name of the planet nearest the Sun?
Contestant A: Mercury
Judge C: If you had one wish for other people in the world, what would it be?
Contestant A: That all people who are weak would be as strong as me
Presenter: Very good. And now for our second contestant.
Judge A: Do you read a lot, then?
Contestant B: Every minute of every day.
Judge B: What are the names of the 2 moons of Mars?
Contestant B: Phobos and Deimos
Judge C: If you had one wish for other people in the world, what would it be?
Contestant B: That all the people who aren’t very bright would be as clever as me.
Presenter: Very good. Now for our third contestant. Pause. Will the third contestant
please come up. Pause. Well, it looks as though our third contestant is disqualified.
Third contestant comes from the back of the church, with clothes all untidy and
making a noise.
Contestant C: I’m coming.
Presenter: (Asks congregation) do we let him/her take part?
(Congregation had better say “yes”.)
All right then, But you look pretty scruffy for a Beauty Competition.
Contestant C: I’ve only got a little bit of blood on my clothes.
Judge A: Why haven’t you got on your best clothes?
Contestant C: I didn’t have time to change.
Judge B: You had the same time as everyone else. What are the 63 moons of Jupiter
called?
Contestant C: I don’t really know.
Judge C: If you had one wish for other people, what would it be?
Contestant C: That they would be kind to each other.
Presenter: The Judges will now decide who wins the 2008 Bridlington Beauty
contest. Is it ...
Contestant A with the muscles, or
Contestant B with the brains, or
Contestant C who turned up late, untidy, and cannot even remember the names of the
63 moons of Jupiter.
It is ... Piano roll........
Everyone ... Contestant C